Killing Ministry

For months I've had the haunting worry/stress/ overall panic that I would be too afraid to be everything God has called me to be in terms of ministry. I've witnessed countless titles but few lives that have been consumed with this call and I know oh to well how easy it is to have a "form" of godliness and lead others to do the same. I knew what I wanted but my fear kept me pinned to the nice, warm comfortable bed of the "sippety-sip" gospel. A little watery, a little deep, a little symbolic, a little emotional but NEVER, Bigger than something explainable. Disillusioned and dejected, God dropped a Simply Him calling in my heart, "Stir hunger, Sophia," He told me, "But not as one whose done feasting." You see, I'm not called to be a youth minister!! I'm not. I was made for something a WHOLE lot better and beautiful: to be a lover and first-hand witness of the Real man Jesus Himself. Lately, I've been so down with self-condemnation as this title has been banging around in my head, "Sophia, you call yourself a youth minister and your too scared to do this?" "Wow, your stuck up, how are you going to reach embittered kids." Youth minister, ha! You don't even know how to love," Yea, lots of condemnation. BUT, I don't have to put up with that bull any longer. Mmmmhmm no sirrree:D Cuz I'm not a youth minister. I get the joy and the privilege to consume as much of Jesus as I can in order to offer access to Him to others through my life. As I honor the requirements and teachings needed to fulfill the job of a youth minister I also remember that  it is not my law and my first and foremost priority is to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit as He has been given to me to know without a shadow of a doubt the hungry
MORE my heart has been crying out for alllllll my life. Tonight I could hear it. So beautiful, so real and unrelenting: the hope of Jesus loving us to heaven on earth; footsteps running to me. No longer was I grasping, longing, needing. God is running towards me in full force with a hope that beats like a drum and cries like a birthing mother. So tonight, I kill that idol with joy. I refuse to identify myself with anything less than God's wife. Am I perfect enough for that title?? Did Hosea not marry a prostitute? I have felt the reassuring kisses of His goodness as He whispers in my ear hope and becomes the solid rock I need and fills me with water and helps my eyes see light and surrounds me with rock solid wings and draws quiet words in the dust before me. HE IS GOOD. And His jealousy quiets my storms:)

Original "L" Word, the Only Love

Can we put on our 3-D glasses and check out the depth of a phrase such as, "Jesus loves you," strip away all visual associations of Christian-cool album covers and blood stained nails. To understand this action we must know the Way, the Word, the Spoken Truth. Hmmmm... a man birthed from a descendants of predecessors who tried hitting and missed and after awhile just missed because that was the norm. Evil king after evil king. Hope hurt too much because we knew who and what was needed to shine like the few set apart.But, David was soo hard to follow. God was not with many men and if he was many times he left them because their hearts were inevitable: we loved darkness. Then God promised David one to whom his love would never be taken away from. One who would personally be His Son; an established relationship beyond partnership or slavery but an intimate adoration that connected our worlds forever. Jesus. The most Humble, Powerful Godman. Because of the inheritance He reclaimed we can claim every inch of it's luscious graces. And what love is this? Yea, we know we will never be separated from this love but do we know that's only because of Christ? Cuz, it's only right that God would separate us from it, He did it to most everyone in the Old Testament. BUT His love cemented us to His side at the sincerity of our yes. And Jesus gives himself away, and gives himself away, and gives himself away and there is never a weary point or an end to this feast. We eat, He supplies his body and blood. We hunger, He offers. And His love is so unfailing that He never demands for His rights in the relationship for our comfort or affirmation. Wow... can I just really believe this right now. We never have to put our hungry selves second because He is never hungry for us to fill Him. Because Jesus is always affirmed by the Trinity He never needs anything from us but our vulnerability. And another thing: Once Jesus chose us. He never stopped choosing us and never will. It's decided: we are in this relationship and there is no way out. We will be made whole,we will know His love, and He will shape us so that we can love Him back. There is no divorce or separation or counseling or bitter disappointment or unmet expectations. He makes us worthy of Himself. He does all the work and it's supposed to be like that. An ideal relationship with JEsus is basically Him becoming our life support; leaning on Him because we need him so much even to walk;being weak outside of Him. Jesus, let me keep growing and basking in this love and not be settled with a taste. Because I get scared to go deep and then complain to you that I am insecure and hungry for your love. You know what's best for me and when.I give you the control to love me however you want. I just ask for more.