I never anticipated that going to Argentina would awaken me to my complete inability and the nakedness of the intents of my heart. When I couldn't be the spiritual leader, offer words of wisdom or belief, affirm relationships with words I longed to express or explain my point of view or the joke I had attempted, I was left to the mercies of others. I couldn't give, but others came alongside me and accepted me anyways. At first I fought. I couldn't be needy to those being so hospitable to me. Surely, we were imposing or I was becoming a burden. They have to receive some kind of benefit from our presence here. My pride couldn't handle it and I recognized it's ugly face in a new light. How had it grown so? It came to a point where I truly saw what i had been missing out on this whole time. Yes there were glimpses when my heart would believe but I had to know this for myself; I had to know this grace that had been lavished on me that I was rejecting. Once I allowed for others to forgive my awkwardnesses or pay for me, I was able to enjoy their fruits. Once I let go of having to be entertained or having to do something all the time, I was able to enjoy the grace of peace outside of action.
It is such a joy to realize that receiving can be a selfless act. Instead of insisting on giving all the time, receiving from others takes the attention off of you and friendship is sweeter and doing doesn't have to be a mantra but instead, an overflow from being. Recently, I heard a quote from a teaching I was recommended, "let's be root people, not fruit people." What a thought! To give up managing behaviors and actions and focus on our source who produces in us the fruits we long to see. How humble a position that puts us in, huh? Looking to the dirt of life we are planted in and sucking the water of God with all our energies, searching deeper and harder for Him and His truth in this dirt. Even when we start sprouting, budding, flowering, bearing fruit, it's not even our doing it's the evidence of the water that came out of us on the other side. HA!
In this case, maybe i won't be in a season of looking like someone in love with God. Maybe I will be exposed for the cracked vessel that I am. Maybe others will suddenly surprise me with their faith and I'll have to swallow my judgments. Maybe it was about our relationships with Him the whole time and not the intrigues of men. When our ministries are taken away and we are left with misunderstandings or dysfunctional relationships we will then have our eyes searching for the One we are learning. Remembering and having faith that our lives are ones of waiting, anticipating and never giving up that their will be fulfillment. In this place of waiting, we are being trained to be needy for God. Excellent dependability and fixed hearts picky for only the best brand of bread: the Bread of Life.
Fellow roots, do not harden your hearts in your dirt digging. Our hope is real and there is nothing that will taste better or satisfy you more than His water. Have confidence that what your doing is the best thing for you to do now and receive the rest we are granted because right now our Lord offers us His unending, unhindered delight.
