Ouch. My heart was caught in public. Embarrassed. A child who got away from her mother, obnoxious to distraction. Look at me! She yells. I need your attention!
Playing with hearts like toys brandishing innocent smiles like her hands mean well. "You are a good play thing but that's all you can be." Heart, how you've convinced me your childish ways are cute! This need cries out and male attention is like a match that sets the whole thing a blaze. The character I thought I had going for me was overridden by the scent of affection. The beast is awakened and unsatisfied. FEED ME!
I sit back aghast at this tell-tale condition of desperation. Is that really me? But I thought I was fine. She eats her veggies and she has learned how to read. Teachers say she's one of the best students. And yet desperation calls to her and she responds like its her name! Obedient to hold their gaze like a catcher in left-field. Is this the shame I've born?
The immaturity I've tried to hide? Doing and doing to hide my addiction to attention?
Did you draw him close to expose this bratty diva?
YOU KNEW!
The whole time I perceived your wisdom to be orchestrating and training, You placing me to learn more, to help. "Look at us God! There is hope for humanity." Maybe I'm not the efficient tool I thought I was and it's me that needs to change.
As long as you aren't shining that bright light on my weak parts I'm fine and we can be close Lord.
I don't like giving up my chocolates and my messy face is cute right Papa God?
If I stay happy in you and not worry I can keep playing games right?
Obedience is change. Obedience calls me to identify with an older age group.
You know me!
You signed onto my unkempt whines and obstinate fits.
If man looks at the outward appearance but you look at the heart, I've heard many pleasing remarks and I pay bills. But it's you who sees my three year old self in her glory and you want more from me. "This is the tug of war I've had so much trouble with?"
Put me in my place. Submission rests these desires and reveals the pain that looks so harmless but needs to grieve. All of me Lord. I need to grow up and give up on these binging practices so my heart's hunger for love can feast on you, the God man, embodiment of love.
