I've been encouraged to shoot high. Graduation cap is thrown in the air and I'm charged not to settle. Run run run! What to do with all this potential? Circumstantially, divinely set up with riches I can't even perceive how do I engage the world now? Fears of incompetence have been my worst enemy. Do I have what it takes to undergo "adult material." Out of the US I'm called. "Maybe stay awhile" I've considered but regardless of the roots that grow in this soil, my soul won't be satisfied until I get over there and out of here for awhile. The matrix is my call but I must get out in order to recognize it's thorough complexities.
So I've looked to the organization WORD MADE FLESH and considered their mission quite a bit. My heart is settled. Romania and Moldova are the destinations that I'm applying for at the end of the year. To me, this is an open door beyond the four month trip. I know once I get my feet wet God will guide me further. Now, as I wait I must sort through my motivations. Why? Why WMF? Why serving? Would I be willing to sacrifice for the sake of those in utmost needs? Will I succumb to frailty or faith in said circumstances?
"Whoever finds his life will lose it. Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" Matthew 10:39
This is the explanation of my decision. I choose to take the accumulation of my college experience and go forth to serve; losing my life's goals and ambitions for the sake of Jesus' heart for children on the streets and unimaginable hopelessness. Sure, I could stick around and diligently pursue social justice in local communities. This is an honorable choice, but there's a depth of need I have to witness. I need to hear God's heart beat louder than I've ever known. Do I seek suffering for my own gain? You could say that. I'm blinded by the comforts Im surrounded by here and I'm sure as a graduate I'll be limited but have I truly witnessed depravity? I wouldn't say so. If I don't witness extreme depravity I won't know the depths of Jesus' love. Need here is relative. People are deprived of comforts and I have friends who can count loved ones on one hand. But there is enough governmental aid and church intervention, where I've been at least, to give attention to these needs. Love here, abounds in faithfulness and patience but there is somewhere to go for them and many to give. I long to be shaped by the activity of God's care and attention to those he pursues-widows and orphans. I long to relearn words like value, rich, poor, contentment, worship, friendship and faithfulness. Im not ready for America yet and I believe my desire for missions will prepare me.
Why WMF? Have you read their values and goals!? Ah I love it. Embracing the vulnerability of a role of a servant to those who are in need and circumstances we have never experienced is reality! Though privileged, what am I but a co-inheritor of Jesus' richness and I love the honesty and safety of this organization to allow for growth to start from brokenness. This is servanthood: being secure in your limits because you know that your lack will be abundantly supplied for. I know I'm called and commanded and I will answer and see what graces I uncover when I do. Word Made Flesh goes low and allows for questioning and authenticity while knowing that Jesus is central and it is Him we serve throughout the process.
What are my fears? Competency. Debt. Burn out. Self-focus. I need to believe Jesus will sustain me and that I've overcome these false threats as it seems. Each are maneuverable and I will be provided with truth of freedom.
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