I' ve come to realize that the present in light of eternity leaves little value in circumstantial worry or doubt. They exist but they are passing. The highlights and the treasures in the now involve my heart's affections and what stirs them. It involves my eyes and the voice I hear when I move. All these chess pieces that have been moving, the offenses that have exposed my overgrown hedges and my driving fears bring me back to one face.
You see, the passing trials come and go but His gaze is locked and He is finally getting my attention. You know those couples that see each other in a crowded place and it becomes only them in the room? Jesus is my locked gaze. He is a God of intimacy and no matter the beauty or good that may reflect off of me, He, above all is thoroughly knowledgeable of the pathetic doubts that I have entertained, the lying voices that have thundered through my inward man day and night and my wavering ways. Yet He has never left my side. This is the wonder of wonders isn't it?! That the God of the universe gives Himself away forever and ever, covenant-tied to the ashes of me!! Oh how self-pity tries to weasel its way on like a name tag and disappointment goads my relationships into defense mode. Don't forget discontment's rally to begin a tail chasing frenzy. He has to tell me thousands of times a day how to fight. My script is blurred from my sweaty hands and tears; crumpled from seemingly failed attempts. So lately, I've just started boasting in what I've got: Him! I've been loving Him more than the ruts that I feel I'm to endure for now. My captive attention has locked onto His feet. Tunnel vision makes my life better and my load lighter. One foot lifts, the other holds weight as the first establishes a tread with a long stride. Wow these feet are so beautiful. Unfettered and conquering, these feet know where they are going and they lead with perfect pace, fully aware of my dawdling follow through. Tell me, whose simple task matches the fullness of His? Forever everlasting love is His nature and it is lavished on me! He does not lead me to be tempted but leads me to be delivered and testing and trials only ensure deliverance, perfected peace and love and faith. I am challenged time after time, " Sophia, what is your hope? Will it stand? You are worth serving the Most High God!" One foot in front of the other. His stride does not become inhibited by my pain or rebellion. He knows my darkness well but He calls me Lovely and woos my heart to softness confident only to receive Truth. Because He does not lie. He wants my best. He seeks my sanctification; looking like Him! His sun shining, unbelievably He calls me moon praising the shine that I am to reflect. He willing does all the work. There is nothing bigger then Him and there is never anything for Him to freak out over, not even my mess! His nature is a goodness you can only believe if you taste. These feet make you hungrier. Following this man will kill your self-improvement, guessing games and facades. Control become less and less an ambition and more a self awareness. The truth is, living doesn't mean preventing pain and micro-managing to ensure pleasure. I'm free from the experimental rat cage predictability. Instead, my life joy is offering up this livelihood to the most authentic, sure-fire Answer the world has ever known. My darkness has once been informed of light when He stepped into my heart's chambers. Now I follow these feet as He leads into Brighter light. It becomes more appealing everyday. Our destination will clear up the narrowness now. Who am I to calculate our love? For He is who I am following.
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